Published June 2000 

WHEN A STRANGER COMES

Dispelling the Safety-In-Colour Myth

t was like a bad made-for-TV movie. He was called a sex predator. His m.o. was breaking, or sometimes simply walking, into homes. Once inside, he ventured into bedrooms, waking up women and raping them. Before he was caught by police, he broke into 12 homes and sexually assaulted eight women, ranging from the ages of nine to 75. The cat was cocky. Slipping into a house even as he was the target of a police manhunt. In one instance, he attacked a woman as she slept next to her husband. The media coined this hooded assailant the bedroom rapist. What followed seemed to have happened in a minute. Panic prevailed in Toronto ' s northeast end. Women, schooled on the past workings of Paul Bernardo, the original Scarborough rapist, exhaled only long enough to talk about their fear and fighting back. Many of them marched, reinforced locks in their homes and enrolled in self-defense courses.

When Eli Stewart Nicholas was arrested last September and charged with committing some of the attacks, talk turned to sighing. Everyone was relieved that the source of their collective angst was caught and shut down.

" Residents can relax a bit I think the idea of keeping their lights on is a good idea but a male has been arrested, " said 42 Division Staff Sgt. Michael Bardgett.

" It ' s horrible. No woman was safe. No girl was safe. No man was safe. Nobody, " said Toronto mayor Mel Lastman. " I hope they have the right person because a lot of people, a lot of women, will feel good and safe getting this guy, this animal, off the streets. "

Several weeks after the arrest, a similar bedroom rape occurred in Scarborough and then another. Seemed the mayor and other people weren ' t getting it. Yes, you can capture an animal and get him off the streets, but what good is that if, back at the zoo, there ' s no gate? And it wasn ' t only the men who embraced this false sense of security. There are certain women today who live happily in the imaginary worlds they created; I ' m on one of them. It ' s a subconscious world that says women of colour are less likely than white women to be attacked by strangers on the street. Such a world seems safe, until someone like the bedroom rapist breaks in and turns everything upside down.

Insp. Tony Warr of the city ' s Sexual Assault Squad knows how people can get the wrong ideas about sexual attacks. When asked if a white man tends to attack white women, he ' s quick to answer. " That ' s an American statistic. We ' re a mostly multicultural society. In the states, groups are more segregated. No, it ' s not standard practice for us to say a particular race commits sexual attacks, " says Warr.

A few years ago, Tristin Adams ' mind was racing when a total stranger stepped in line beside her as she walked back to work on her lunch hour. " He started talking to me and I kept trying to focus on where I was going. He started with the chit-chat, then the questions got more personal, so I stopped talking. As he was walking, he started pushing me to the side of the building, " says Adams, a black woman. She elbowed the stranger and he ran off. Adams ran into her work building. Later, she shared what happened with a Orin Bristol, a man who was teaching her son Tae Kwan-Do. " He said, ` That ' s it, ' and decided to teach a few of us women self-defense. " Through word of mouth, more mothers asked their children ' s martial arts trainers to teach them techniques so they could protect themselves. Bristol took them on and the course flourished.

Almost five years later, Bristol is the owner of the Lions Den Martial Arts School at 388 Carlaw Ave. His real job is co-managing a successful nightclub. But after working at the club until five o'clock in the morning, he's back out for a late morning women's self-defense class where he spends the entire time teaching them to be aggressive and to fight back. It's all part of the model-mugging course which uses full-contact techniques. And while similar programs can charge up to $600 a term, Bristol charges about $175. Besides the teaching, situations are simulated. The gym lights are turned down and Bristol, in football padding, verbally and physically attacks each student until she learns the proper techniques that will knock off or knock out her attacker.

"The biggest problem with self-defense is that most people don't really believe women can defend themselves. But they can," says Bristol. "I've spoken to women who have been assaulted and raped and they almost always say two things: I was scared and I should have fought back."

In talking to Bristol, I can't help but think he sounds like a wrestler with all the fight talk. Only thing is, he's not putting on a show. He believes in what he's doing.

At 6 ft., three inches, and weighing in at 255 pounds, Bristol is not one to start a fight, but I've known him to finish one. He and I had attended Concordia University in the early 90's. One day, I saw him with a small bandage on his finger and a cut above his eye. They were remnants from a blow he took when one of three skinheads swung a broken table leg at him. It happened in broad daylight in the Montreal metro. While in a metro car, Bristol noticed three men surrounding two teenage black girls. He immediately got off his train and walked back to where they stood on the platform. When he got there, he realized the skinheads were holding the girls against their will, and they sat paralyzed with fear as the tears rolled down their faces. When Bristol told them to leave with him, the skinheads attacked him. His martial arts skills kicked in and before anyone could make sense of it, he was kicking the wind out of his attackers. They ran off, the girls were fine and not one passer-by called the police.

"With sexual attacks, the assailant is looking for victims to assault and then he wants to leave. Statistics show that in cases where women fight to get away, they might get hurt," says Bristol. "When they don't fight, they still get hurt. It's better to fight with everything. If you don't, the psychological and emotional damage is more severe. A busted lip will get fixed."

When the bedroom rapist was making front-page news last year, experts and women's groups debated the merits of fighting back. Insp. Warr was quoted as saying women should pick their fights because resisting a sex assault could encourage the sadistic types. But Mary (not her real name) questions this advice. "I can sort of see the officers' point. I guess fighting back can lead to the man killing you. But if he's sadistic and you don't fight back what happens? I guess I wouldn't agree with that," says Mary, a graduate of the Lions Den model-mugging course. She points out in every dangerous situation, it's crucial to use any opportunity and plan an escape.

"I don't feel like a victim at all. Since I've taken the course, I feel more confident that I can defend myself." But Mary admits she's angry that women always have to be thinking about fighting for their lives. "Why should it be a woman's problem when men are usually the ones committing the crimes?" Her question makes me wonder why men can't put each other in check. So I ask Bristol if he and his boys talk about ending violence against women. He tells me the issue comes up with close friends because they know of his commitment; but he doesn't get the feeling that enough men care about helping to solve the problem. And then there's the attitude among communities of colour.

"Most definitely, violence against women transcends race. Because of the media, we're used to seeing white women being assaulted. But in my classes, I've seen black and South Asian women with assault histories. People make assumptions we, in the black community, tend to be quiet about it," says Bristol. "White women have more experience talking about it, but it's harder for other women."

I'm impressed with the great things these people are doing in this little school. But their success doesn't come without challenges. Calling it women's self-defense unfortunately flags the issue for too many men who assume they're relieved of their responsibilities. It becomes a woman's thing. There are exceptions. Some men work at the Lions Den as muggers during training exercises. Still, Adams, now an instructor in the course, tells me there are women's groups which don't approve of Bristol's methods, saying no men should be involved when women learn to fight back. "We have women's circles that talk about what we're doing, and the men are nowhere around. It's for us," says Adams.

But Bristol addresses the criticism easily. "If men can't be involved, then who are the women fighting against? If you're practicing against other women, then you're not really learning to defend yourself against a man."